Kenneth Lay Beheaded by Zacarias Moussaoui

the one that didn't get away 

A video tape showing the beheading murder of Kenneth Lay was delivered to the offices of Unconfirmed Sources yesterday and has since been confiscated by the FBI. The tape shows a masked man identifying himself as Zacarias Moussaoui, the Islamic militant currently facing four capital charges connected with the Sept. 11, 2001 attack on New York and Washington, affirming his involvement in that attack before sawing the head off of the Bush supporter and former Enron chairman.

Because of the graphic nature of the video, it is doubtful that it will be released to the television press, but we can reveal that it was pretty gross. Lay maintained a stoic silence throughout, which the FBI explained to us was, along with the absence of blood, mostly owing to the heavy sedation Moussaoui used to overpower him.

Prison officials are at a loss to say how Moussaoui broke out of his maximum security cell long enough to travel to Texas to commit the heinous murder, let alone how he managed to sneak back in two days later, but the governor vowed not to let current budget problems stand in the way of protecting the public from prison escapees "no matter how much it costs."

Lay was awaiting trial on a number of charges relating to his handling of the collapse of Enron four years ago. As for Moussaoui, the new charges have forced the governor to accede to earlier requests by the Attorney General to transfer his case to a military tribunal, where public scrutiny and the rules of evidence will no longer impede his swift and just execution. Some questions still puzzle investigators, such as motive and who was holding the video camera, the fact that the murderer seemed to be tall, thin and left handed, his British accent and expensive jewelry, but the FBI assured us that the limited access to legal defense would prevent Moussaoui from exploiting the apparent weaknesses in the prosecution's case.

Democrats Vow to Pay More Attention to Political Concerns of Idiots

clear message? not to an idiot 

Confronted with a chart of relative IQ's of blue and red states in the recent elections, the leadership of the Democratic party said recently that they were forced to reevaluate their assumptions about the constituency they were tasked to represent. The chart below shows the nation divided along stupidity lines: 19 of the 24 states with the highest average IQ voting Democrat and the 31 of the 34 states with the lowest, Republican.

"The results certainly are striking," said Tom Daschle. "It really shows you that we're just not getting our message across to most Americans." DNC spokesman Bull Buchanan said that the party had made serious errors in recent years overlooking the fact that a majority of Americans are idiots and in failing to take their specific political concerns into account.

"George Bush didn't win," Buchanan said, "John Kerry lost. The Republicans have managed to get a monopoly on addressing idiotic issues, and idiots vote for them because they believe that George Bush cares about the things they care about. Trying to address the real interests of idiots doesn't work because it neglects the fact that idiots are too stupid to know what their real interests are. We've made some mistakes, but we're not too big to admit that, as Americans, we can be idiots too," Buchanan said.

In response to an article in the British political science journal, The Daily Mirror, investigating the rise of the American stupidity movement in recent years, Buchanan insisted that the Democrats should not look backwards to failed policies of the past, but instead needed to shed its "chronic state of denial" and "recognize that America fundamentally is a nation of idiots and deserves political representatives who will respond to their idiotic concerns."

President Bush Unwraps Faith Based Environmental Protection Program

still blue no thanks to scientists 

Calling environmentally concerned scientists "a bunch of atheists who don't trust the Lord to look after his own creation," President George Bush announced the "Uncloudy Skies Act" which emphasizes prayer and church attendance over economically crippling regulation of US industrial production.

When asked if he intended to ratify the Kyoto protocol in his second term, Bush said that the claim that the world's climates were changing was false and that anyway it had nothing to do with greenhouse gas emissions which in any case are natural and besides China was just as much to blame as the US.

EPA administrator Jess Leavitt said that he was committed not to let special interest groups such as environmentalists and scientists hijack the process. "All US citizens," Leavitt said, "human and corporate, have a stake in environmental issues. The health of the economy must not be sacrificed to serve those only interested in the health of the planet." He rejected the idea that America should be subjected to "some kind of global test" before deploying its industrial waste products. He said he "wasn't about to let the French tell him where to take a sh*t" and that if the UN Convention on Climate Change persisted in its anti-US diatribes it was in manifest danger of becoming irrelevant.

When asked about the costs to the economy of events such as the thirteen hurricanes that devastated the southeast and the Caribbean this past season, including 18 billion dollars of emergency aid sent to Florida and another 25 thousand sent to Haiti, Bush said: "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." He referred to a boom in new housing construction and the aversion of what would have been a crippling budged deficit in the state of which his brother Jeb currently is governor. "The Bible says 'every cloud has a silver lining,' and that's something the tree huggers never want to see."

Bush said that environmental groups "hated the freedoms" of American entrepreneurs and had hired lobbyists and PR firms to "demonize our God given prosperity as some kind of unsustainable over-consumption of resources." They also control Hollywood and the media, he pointed out, who only show images of natural devastation and never any of its benefits, creating a distorted picture of reality in many people's minds. "Because they focus on it," Bush said, "a lot of people are fooled into thinking the eco whatever's getting worse, which is why my new initiative provides incentives for church groups to get more involved. If more people put their faith in the Lord, these chicken littles would have to go home to roost."

Bush Unveils Faith Based Economic Plan

in GDP we trust 

Treasury Secretary Snow joined President Bush in unveiling "Salvations and Loans," a new economic plan that relies heavily on the promotion of prayer and church attendance to stimulate the Second Coming and divine forgiveness of what otherwise promises to be a ten trillion dollar national debt.

Snow denied that raising the national debt ceiling by nearly a trillion dollars together with record trade and budget deficits was leading to a slowdown in the current economic recovery. "Sure, Americans are taking on record levels of personal debt, but that just indicates the high level of confidence they have in the future of the economy." When asked about recent numbers indicating a growing unemployment rate, Snow pointed out that when people get more confident about the future, they re-enter the job market and begin to be counted in the jobs figures.

Snow agreed with President Bush that this new wave of confidence in the future of the American economy could only be attributed to the nationwide renewal of religious faith to which the unexpected results of the recent elections testify, and it was the government's responsibility to do what it could to justify that faith. The new economic plan is designed to drive the US economy so close to breaking point that God will have to intervene on behalf of his chosen nation. Bush acknowledged that a catastrophic crash might precede the second coming, but insisted that the portfolios of the faithful were adequately diversified. "Jesus is all the hedge fund you need," the president said.

Iraqi Doctors Hail Eradication of Obesity

fake photos and proven lies 

On a side note to the sometimes pessimistic news concerning the ongoing insurgency and upcoming elections, Doctors at Iraq's Health Ministry announced that obesity, which had reached epidemic proportions in Iraq in the late 1980's, has finally been eradicated. The WTO added Iraq to the growing list of countries who have eradicated the chronic condition which once constituted the greatest risk to the health of Iraqi children.

"There's no doubt," said Dr. Aziz, the Institute's Chief of Epidemiology, "that US liberation efforts put the nail in the coffin of this debilitating condition. They got the kids up off the couch and away from the video games and weaned them off of junk foods and onto a lower calorie diet." Obesity which used to be number one on the list of health risks for Iraqis is now "completely off the charts," according to one researcher.

Doctors acknowledge that careful monitoring is still necessary to ensure that chronic cases among the ruling authorities remain contained and do not spread the condition to the general population, but doctors at the institute remain confident that Iraq has finally seen the last of the deadly epidemic.

Obesity rates which had risen to 11 percent two years ago, plummeted to 4 percent in the first year of military operations and are now considered negligible.

"These figures clearly indicate the downward trend," said Alexander Malyavin, a child health specialist with the UNICEF mission to Iraq.

Iraq's child obesity rate now roughly equals that of Burundi, a central African nation torn by more than a decade of war. It is far lower than rates in Uganda and Haiti.

Doctors said Saddam had tried to spread propaganda implying that the US intended to establish fast food restaurants and Krispy Kreme doughnut shops throughout the region in order to undermine the health of the people. But photographs (see above) released by the Baathists have been proven by the CIA to be retouched. One doctor said that Sadaam used to hand out food vouchers like candy, and the epidemic only grew. He speculated that it had all been a plot to weaken political opposition.

"He's lost a lot of weight since the war," said Kasim Said, a day laborer who was at Baghdad's main children's hospital to visit his once obese son, Abdullah. The child, lying on a pillow with a Winnie the Pooh washcloth to keep the flies off his head, weighs just 11 pounds.

Parents visiting children recovering from the condition at the hospital admitted that the high price of food and nutritional supplements had contributed to them seeking a more efficient dietary regimen.

International aid efforts and the U.N. oil-for-food program reversed the advances made under the ruinous impact of sanctions, and the rate of obesity among the youngest Iraqis gradually grew to a peak of 11 percent in 2002. But the invasion in March 2003 and the widespread looting in its aftermath severely damaged the basic structures of governance in Iraq, and persistent violence across the country greatly reduced access to Western foods with their high fat and sugar content. Together with the frequent need to run like hell for their lives, these factors have worked what doctors can only describe as a "medical miracle."

Some doctors at the Ministry disputed the findings that lower fat diets and increased exercise alone had brought an end to the epidemic. They believe that dysentery owing to contaminated water supplies plays a key role. By one count, 60 percent of rural residents and 20 percent of urban dwellers have access only to contaminated water. The country's sewer systems are in disarray. All agreed that more research was needed to understand the causes and treatment of obesity, but all were unanimous in thanking America's long term commitment to the future of Iraq for what is hopefully its final eradication.

Secret Service Suspends 3 Agents; 1 Chilean Security Guard Suspended

Bush comes off bench 

The Secret Service suspended three players indefinitely Saturday for their roles in one of the worst-ever brawls in the history of the agency, a fight with Chilean security guards that director Biff Bashem called "shocking, repulsive and inexcusable." Agents Napolean Solo and Ilya Kuryakin and Chilean security guard Augusto Arbusto were suspended, the Secret Service said Saturday. Police in Santiago were investigating, but did not comment on who might be charged.

President Bush lunged into the crowd and fought with security personnel in the final minute of his photo op with the Chilean president Ricardo Lagos and his wife, Luisa Duran on Friday night, and the brawl forced an early end to the press coverage.

After several minutes of US officials fighting with security guards in the entranceway to the cultural center, a chair, beer, ice and popcorn were thrown at the Secret Servicemen as they made their way to the locker room.

About a half-dozen people were treated for injuries at the site of the elegant dinner in downtown Santiago, one was taken to a hospital by ambulance and another sought treatment, police said.

The fight was "shocking, repulsive and inexcusable - a humiliation for everyone associated with the Secret Service," Bashem said in a statement Saturday.

Coaches for both teams apologized. Solo, Kuryakin, and Arbusto—all of whom threw punches at reporters—were to begin serving their suspensions Saturday night, when President Bush met in bilateral talks with Chinese officials.

White House spokesman Pudgy Waterhouse said Saturday the Secret Service plans to use "playoff-level security" starting with that meeting, doubling the number of armed police and increasing security by about 25 percent.

"This demonstrates why the president must not enter the crowd, whatever the provocation or poisonous behavior of people attending the events," Bashem said.

Santiago police gathered videotapes from various media outlets, interviewed witnesses and planned to talk to the agents involved in the melee. Prosecutors will review the evidence and decide on any charges, hopefully before Thanksgiving, a statement from the police said.

The fight started as Chilean agents closed ranks at the door, blocking the president's agents from following. Stopping for more pictures, Bush noticed the fracas and turned back. He reached through the dispute and pulled his agent from the scrum and into the building.

Just when it appeared tempers had died down, agent Solo was struck by a cup thrown from the crowd and jumped up and charged into the crowd, throwing punches as he climbed over seats.

Kuryakin joined Solo in the melee and threw punches at attendees, who punched back.

Later, a man in a security guard uniform approached Kuryakin at the banquet, shouting at him. Kuryakin punched him in the face, knocking him to the floor. Solo stepped in and punched another man who joined the scrum.

The White House said it was reviewing rules and security procedures "so that local representatives can continue to attend our conferences unthreatened by events such as the ones that occurred last night."

Solo has been suspended several times by the Secret Service. Earlier this month, he was benched for asking for time off because of a busy schedule that included promoting a soon-to-be released rap album. He also destroyed TV monitors at the Republican National Convention and missed the flight to one of Bush's campaign stops last season.

Allawi Rejects Claims by Delegation from Mosul that Civilians Still Occupy City

delegation sent back to Mosul for proof 

A delegation of families from the northern Iraqi city of Mosul were forcibly removed from the offices of the interim government yesterday after trying to present Prime Minister Allawi with a petition signed by several hundred thousand residents affirming that non-combattant civilians still occupied many neighborhoods of that city. The delegation, consisting of about fifty doctors, nurses, teachers, shopkeepers and their families told reporters that they were concerned about recent statements by the Prime Minister that only "terrorists, insurgents loyal to Sadam Hussein, and foreign interlopers" now lived in the ancient sprawling town, and that all peace loving Iraqis had fled the rebel stronghold long ago. In a statement later that day, Allawi told the press that the delegation had offered no concrete support for their claims, and that, thus far, he had received no reports from US and Iraqi forces of a single civilian still occupying the city.

"The Western press," said Allawi, "is far too gullible. You believe the unsupported claims of parties with obvious ulterior motives. Of course doctors and nurses are going to say that." When asked about the petition, he said that his years working with the CIA taught him how easy it is to forge such documents, and that most of the people had probably been bribed to sign it. "They hope that by putting me in the impossible position of trying to prove a negative, they can slow down our plans to liberate Mosul from the terrorists that now occupy it. The burden of proof should be on them, as they're the ones making positive claims, and so far, I'm not convinced." He suggested that if the delegation of families persisted in making such "irresponsible and unsupported allegations," they should go back to Mosul and get some real proof of the supposed civilians living there. When asked what would constitute proof, the Prime Minister rejected video tapes, photographs, or audio tapes from unconfirmable sources, all of which, he said, could be doctored. "I guess that's their problem," he said.

Touch Screen Machines to be Used for Opinion Poll on Iraq War and Recruiting Stations

serving your country's never been easier 

Citing concern that the American people were not given an adequate opportunity to voice their opinions concerning the ongoing war in Iraq during the last election, the Pentagon has announced a plan to make a broad survey of opinions across the entire US population. To facilitate this survey, touch screen machines will be distributed to public facilities throughout the nation by Diebold Inc. which will allow citizens to register their support for or opposition to the war. Of particular interest to the Pentagon are the opinions of military service eligible youths from 18 to 28 years of age who's future, said General Richard Myers, will be particularly effected by the future course of the conflict. Because of this concern, the electronic polling machines will be delivered to high schools and college campuses in addition to government buildings, parks, and other public spaces. In addition to providing the federal government with a way of accurately measuring the will of the American people concerning the prosecution of the war in Iraq, the machines will also be equipped with a recruiting facility making it easier for those ready to volunteer for military service to do so without the sometimes difficult and costly trip to a recruiter's office.

A preview of the machines presented to reporters by Diebold shows a touch screen with three selection boxes labeled respectively:

I support the war in Iraq
I oppose the war in Iraq
I hereby volunteer for military service in Iraq

After entering name and Social Security number, citizens will touch a box next to one of the first two choices. Those within the eligible age range may then decide additionally to select the third choice. The Pentagon hopes that the convenience of enlisting via the new machines will greatly assist in what are becoming critical troop shortages in Iraq and elsewhere. Gen. Myers said that the Pentagon was aware of the difficulties involved in finding time to visit sometimes remote recruiting offices and that efforts at outreach placed too much pressure on potential recruits to make a decision they maybe hadn't been ready to make. The machines, he said, will allow those considering volunteering for military service to think through their decisions at their own pace.

Gen. Myers said that at the end of six months the Pentagon will use the results of the survey to formulate a better sense of the degree of support for its current operations than could have been gleaned from last month's election results, given the fact that both candidates spent most of the campaign trying to outdo eachother's warfighting qualifications. "We will only fight the wars that the American people ask us to," said Gen. Myers, and he conceded that the unanimous support for the war in Iraq by all voters in all states might have been skewed.

When asked whether, unlike the machines used in the recent election, these would produce a paper receipt allowing for a recount in case of any glitches, Katherine Harris, Diebold's new spokesperson said that the technological challenges involved in accurate paper receipts were still being explored and likely would be solved by the next round of national elections. She went on to say that there were many safeguards in place and that there was absolutely no chance of a miscount.

Supreme Court Split Over Marine Partial Birth Abortion

Potential terrorists still roam the streets of Fallujah 

With Chief Justice William Rehnquist still recuperating from cancer surgery, the Supreme Court today remained evenly divided over whether the death of an infant being delivered in a hospital in Fallujah qualified as a partial birth abortion. The arguments on both sides concern the fact that the newborn was still attached to the mother at the time of its death, raising the question of whether recent anti-abortion laws passed by the interim government of Iyad Allawi, in consultation with Jerry Falwell's Faith and Values Coalition, defined the death as a war crime. Initial complaints leveled by the obstetrician who was seized by a Marine storming the hospital before the umbilical cord could be cut were dismissed by a US military panel as a "good kill." Let's face it, said Major Rommel who oversaw the panel, "it's not likely the kid would have grown up to love Americans. The odds are pretty good we have one less terrorist to deal with later on down the line." But the details of the case were somehow leaked to Falwell's offices where, as one witness put it, "all hell broke loose."

After threatening to withdraw their support for the war, Falwell's organization succeeded in having the case heard in civilian court where it quickly found its way to the Supreme Court docket. Arguments over the precise definition of "partial birth abortion" seem to have the court hopelessly deadlocked, as the only expert witness offering to provide a definition received his MD from Mr Falwell's university and started talking in tongues as soon as he began to be examined by the Justices. At one point, Clarence Thomas, who some have suggested will replace Rehnquist as Chief Justice later this year, suggested classifying the infant's death as an "after birth abortion," but his fellow conservatives on the bench immediately objected that this new category might complicate the further progress of Iraq liberation efforts.

The case promises to open up a whole range of legal issues surrounding the rights of Marines to perform de facto abortions under the new rules instituted by the interim Iraqi government. For example, if a pregnancy is terminated after fifteen weeks because the mother has her head blown off, a US soldier may be liable for prosecution in Iraq depending on the interpretation of certain language in the new rules. Many such questions will have to wait until Arabic speakers with sufficient education and intelligence to comprehend legal arguments can be found who are acceptable to US and Iraqi officials. For his part, Falwell is adamant that the umbilical cord must be severed for the child's killing to be "good in the sight of God." "The victim was still a fetus," he said, "and therefore a human being, and this Marine is guilty of murder."

The Marine private who has been singled out as the one who let the fetus drop to the floor is charged with performing an illegal abortion paid for with government funds and is being held incommunicado at a secret location. Falwell suggested he should be sent to Egypt with the rest of the abortion loving liberals where "they know what medical instruments are for."

Powell: Krazy Il Kim’s Dongs are Pointed at America

Koreans still thought to have No Dongs 

Outgoing Secretary of State Colin Powell today accused the North Korean government of having No Dongs. "We've known for some time that Kim was developing a Dong that could reach across the Pacific Ocean. He thinks that threatening the United States will improve his negotiating position, but we're not about to let a bunch of Korean No Dongs determine our foreign policy," he told the UN Security Council on Wednesday.

In response to these charges by the Bush administration, Hans Blix of the IAEA said that the claim that the North Koreans could get their Dongs operational in 45 minutes was an exaggeration, and that in any case the Dongs would be impossible to hide. "The US would have a hundred photos of their Dongs before they could even get them up," he insisted. He furthermore stated that, although Pyongyang had recently deployed a number of Dongs, they were now cooperating with the UN timetable to withdraw all their Dongs over the next six months.

While the Dong is classified as a conventional weapon, it can be refitted as a Weapon of Mass Destruction. When fully deployed, Korean Dongs are capable of delivering a twenty megaton load. Concern is being expressed by the administration, however, over the prospect of the Dongs falling into the wrong hands. "The North Koreans have not demonstrated the capacity to handle their Dongs responsibly," said anonymous White House official Pudgy Waterhouse. "If the leadership thinks it's acceptable behavior to wave their Dongs around whenever they crave attention, how likely is it that they are taking sufficient security measures to ensure that terrorists or rogue elements don't get their hands on them?"

Blix, furthermore, insisted that it was next to impossible for the Koreans to place a Dong within US airspace, and that even if Kim were crazy enough to try to penetrate a back door in US defenses, the Dong would be detected by missile defense technology newly deployed in Alaska and rendered incapable of delivering its payload. The CIA, however, is concerned that an extremist anti-American faction in possession of a nuclear tipped Dong might use it even less responsibly than Pyongyang. If a rogue Dong did achieve its target from Korean soil, US defenses would assume an attack by North Korea and launch a counterattack immediately, incinerating Pyongyang. While acknowledging the terrible injustice of launching a retaliatory strike against the wrong target, Mr Waterhouse insisted it could not be prevented. "Currently there's no paternity test for Korean Dongs," he quipped. He went on to confirm Powell's charge that the Koreans had developed No Dongs. "Beyond that," he added, "the White House has no intelligence."

Former President Nostalgic for Hollywood

The Bush family toboggan affectionately known as das boot 

Expressing disappointment at his son's command of the English language, former president George HW Bush today confided to Unconfirmed Sources that plans were in place to go back to using Hollywood actors to fill the role of President of the United States in 2008. The aging Bush, who served his country as head of CIA, where he got extensive experience with the rigging of elections all over the world, before spending twelve years in the White House himself, confessed nostalgia for the days of Ronald Reagan. "He was a moron, too, but he could memorize and deliver the lines we gave him like he meant it. We had the world by the short and curlies back then," Bush reminisced. "Jr. can't even handle the teleprompters when we give him a bouncing ball to show him where to pause, and when he tries to ad-lib his press conferences, well, it's just embarrassing."

First on the list of prospective successors to the office is Arnold Schwarzenegger who will have completed the term as Governor prerequisite to being cast as a legitimate presidential candidate when the younger Bush leaves office. Bush Sr. conceded that it would be necessary to rewrite the Constitution in order for the Austrian born actor to be installed, but he insisted that it would be "a damn sight easier" than engineering the recall that put him in the California state house. "The Constitution's been rewritten over twenty times," said Bush, "usurping political office between elections is something you can only get away with once—unless you luck into some Polaroids, or a plane crash," he added with a wink.

Comparing Arnold's acting talents to Reagan, Bush declared that the bodybuilder was even worse than the late president on screen, but noted that his thick accent obscured his lack of comprehension and emotional range allowing him to pull off roles as robots and stony faced Russian spies fairly convincingly. "If you're going to put somebody up there at the White House podium who doesn't understand what he's saying and can't speak proper English, you're better off with a foreigner that has an excuse than with an Ivy league native speaker that people can see is an idiot," the elder Bush observed. "there's a certain amount of suspension of disbelief involved in creating the illusion that people are listening to a man of great personal conviction, and that's something Hollywood actors understand. They know how to take direction and to get into different characters for each particular audience." Bush admitted that Schwarzenegger could only manage about a character and a half, but claimed that "that's all you really need for the role of president."

Asked why he had chosen the current governor of California to succeed his son, the former president was evasive. He did, however, confess a personal affection for him. "My father, as you probably know, had numerous friends and business partners in Austria during the Second World War, and Arnold is just the type of guy he would have tried to help. I guess I'm a chip off the old block." As to whether he thought the American people would not realize that the Constitution had been changed just to make Schwarzenegger's installation possible, Bush remarked that "even Lincoln said you can fool all the people some of the time and some of them all of the time. You only have to fool most of them some of the time in a Democracy, and not even that when you own the voting software."

George W. Bush Vows to Win "War on Puberty " In Second Term

Bush launches preemptive invasion of privacy 

Public high schools across the country are going to have to start teaching classes in sexual abstinence if they expect federal funding from the new Bush administration as part of an initiative dubbed the "War on Puberty." At a ceremony introducing the program's mascot, an animated teenager named Cherry Chastity, President Bush quipped: "I never understood the point of sex education personally; my kids already had too much of that when they got to high school." Other weapons anticipated in the War on Puberty are a modern version of the chastity belt produced by DynCorp that works like a modified stun gun and webcams prominently placed in bathroom stalls.

When asked how all this would be funded, Tom Ridge, whose Department of Homeland Security is to oversee the new program in conjunction with the Education Department, said that costs would be kept down by the use primarily of dummy cameras which were found to be as effective as live ones. Many of the "stallcams" in certain troubled districts will be operational, however, and parents will be able to log onto the internet from work or home to see what little Johnny and Suzy and their friends are doing when away from direct adult supervision.

The new program, which is expected to reduce the rate of STD's, teen pregnancy, and abortion by as much as a whole percentage point, was cheered by members of the Christian Coalition, some of whom prostrated themselves before the president and began speaking in tongues.

To tentative suggestions by two or three Democrats that they were anxious that perhaps some of the planned measures might possibly be perceived maybe by some people hypothetically as an invasion of privacy, Bush replied that "extremists in the Democratic party don't seem to realize that the world has changed since September 11th, and the enemy is no longer attacking us only from beyond our borders."

Ridge went on to affirm that "sleeper cells of potential evil doers and those that harbor them" have already been detected in a number of states. "It makes no sense to sit back and wait until evil is propertuated [sic] before taking action," Bush said. "The people came out on election day and asked me to protect them from evil doers, and if that takes preemptive invasions of privacy, I'm not about to let a bunch of trial lawyer mumbo jumbo stop me. When I said I had I mandate," he joked, "I wasn't talking about Jim McGreevey."